As Jeff Rediger and I finish the final editing of our book RELATIONSHIP, about the negative health effects of unbalanced, dysfunctional, or neglectful relationships, I found myself pondering why so few people talk about the very strong scientific link between relationship health and physical health. Are we in some kind of denial that a bad marriage can cause cancer or that a narcissistic parent can lead to chronic pain?
The physical mechanism of how this happens is straightforward. Giving too much and receiving too little, dismissing and shrinking instead of sympathizing when you are upset, being defeated by someone who abuses you, ignoring your stress or being blamed for anything that has hurt you – all this causes a stress reaction in your nervous system, the kind that sticks rather than helping you quickly get to a safe place.
Chronic repetitive stress responses- fight, flight, freeze, but especially the fawn- dysregulate the nervous system, paralyze the immune system, disable the body’s natural self-healing mechanisms, and cause chronic inflammation, which causes or aggravates almost all major diseases and makes recovery difficult. Our bodies are not designed to survive the daily wear and tear of all those stress responses over time.
On the other hand, a healthy, balanced, reciprocal relationship based on shared strengths, equality in give and take, and empathy is the body’s medicine. Having strong social support and knowing that you are not carrying the weight of life alone has been proven to be more beneficial to the body than losing weight or quitting smoking.
However, many people are raised in family systems that do not teach them how to participate in healthy relationships. Social skills aren’t necessarily accurate if you haven’t had a good relationship set up for you in your family of origin. Sometimes we must learn such things!
For ongoing, live support, and IFS relationship recovery information, join us to LOVE SCHOOL. We meet twice a month to talk and practice everything from breaking down the red flags of narcissism to understanding your attachment style to unburdening iFS exiles to Terry Real’s tips on how to have a safer, happier relationship, to John and Julie Gottman’s recommendations on how to fight to understand Sue Johnson’s understanding of how we differ in protest when we are not like our relatives. requirements are met.
Read more and join LOVE SCHOOL here.
I wanted to introduce you all to the on-demand relationship programs we have now made available to anyone interested in going deeper into relationship recovery. Let me explain a little.
Lissa Rankin’s Plans for Aspiring Relationships
HEAL YOUR INJURED LINES
Medicine for Opening Your Heart to Emotional Intimacy While Keeping Yourself & Others Safe, The Inner Family Systems (IFS) Approach to Relationship Boundary Conversations with Lissa Rankin, Derek Scott, Resmaa Menakem.
Get support in setting, negotiating, and respecting boundaries using Inner Family Systems, so you can enjoy deeper intimacy, trust, empathy, and respect in all of your relationships. A trauma-informed internal family system approaches negotiating with others what is right and wrong. Includes a copy of Lissa’s unpublished manuscript The Boundaries Handbook.
Learn more and sign up for Healing Your Hurt Boundaries
FEEDING FROM SELF: Finding Connection Without Compromise
Have you ever noticed that you are a different person when you are around different people? Even those who are very similar to a chameleon, who feel strong, have different parts and show when we are among different types of people. If you’re single and have never approached dating with the express purpose of not only meeting new people but getting to know “you” from different types of people, dating intentionally, through an IFS-focused lens, can be amazing, enlightening, and revelatory. This program helps you learn how to know all the “parts” of yourself that show up among new people, and how to see if those new people are safe to connect with.
Learn more and sign up for Personal Dating here.
RELATIONSHIP THERAPY: Intimacy as a Path to Transformation
Some people enter the cave to prioritize enlightenment, but if you really want to push yourself to grow, develop, heal, and awaken, For anyone who is interested in deepening their relationships and taking advantage of the inevitable causes that arise from relationships for the purposes of healing, transformation, and personal or spiritual growth.
Whether romantic relationships, family members, best friends, or other close emotional connections, relationships as a means of transformation can help us heal the past, increase our capacity to love, and improve our health.
Learn more and sign up for Relational Healing here.
REPAIRING THE HEART TO LOVE AGAIN: IFS-Information Workshop On Healing A Broken Heart To Safely Love More Openly
A workshop, especially for those who have broken hearts but want to be ready to try dating again or rekindle love in a relationship that has stopped or connected with family or friends that have had problems. You may want to prepare yourself to love your partner, but you may also want to prepare your heart to love a parent who hurt you or a child you hurt or a best friend who could be your “person”.
Learn more and subscribe to Preparing the Heart to Love Again
BEING UNF*CKWITHABLE: Finding Your Holy “No”, So Your Yes Is A “Hell Yeah”.
Transformational workshop with Lissa Rankin, Rachel Abrams, Jeff Rediger, Anasuya Godis.
Unf*ckwithable – the art of being emotionally strong and using clear boundaries to develop your relationship to new depths. Take back your power by taking responsibility for where you are.
Read more and subscribe to Becoming Unf*ckwithable here.
MOTHERING AS MEDICINE: A Trauma-Informed Parenting Course to Improve the Whole Physical and Mental Health of Your Children
As caring parents who want to set our children up for success in life and in life, is there anything we can do to make this time easier for our children, young and old? This course is designed for any “mom-identifying” person to empower you with the knowledge and skills to address the root causes of your toddler’s or older child’s problems and develop more safety, intimacy, healing, and safe communication with your toddler or older child.
Read more and subscribe to Mothering As Medicine
HEALING THE WOUNDS OF RELATIONSHIPS: A Supportive, Educational Workshop for Those Struggling to Love Someone With Attachment Trauma
Healing attachment wounds involves understanding your past, accepting your present, and creating a future built on self-love and healthy connection. Think of it as caring for a caregiver – as a way to relax your nervous system, teach yourself how to fill your tank so you can continue to support another person, walk the razor’s edge between taking care of the needs of your parts and taking care of the needs of your loved ones.
Learn more and sign up for Healing Attachment Wounds in Relationships
All of these popular programs are designed to support relationship healing not just as a psychological or spiritual pursuit, but as a health intervention—because the science is clear. When our relationships become more balanced, more harmonious, and more secure, our nervous system calms down, inflammation decreases, and the body can return to its natural state of repair.
Check Out Other Courses You Want
If you’ve been longing to do some serious work on relationship renewal—but at your own pace, on your own time—these programs are here to support you. Whether you want to write your memoir, improve your health outcome, or improve your relationship life, Lissa’s indulgences can help you find the novels of wisdom that you need, that will be welcomed to your liking.
Read more about all the on-demand workshops here.
