How to Track Your Growth and Development This Yuletide Season

Let me start by wishing you happy holidays from the restored 1870s that is Jeff, Mira and my new home near Bodega Bay, CA. Because we’ve been in the middle of a big move, we’ve recently gotten around to decorating for the holidays. So let me show you where we live now.

As we pass the winter solstice and prepare to return to more light, as all secular and religious winter holidays continue, we have a chance to slow down, check in with our parts, and celebrate any big or small wins we’ve had this past year. There’s something about reaching the end of the calendar year and enjoying (or surviving) another holiday season that gives us a ripe opportunity to appreciate any growth we’ve experienced, changes we’ve made, changes we may be experiencing, and progress on our personal, mental, or spiritual path.

Maybe you didn’t jump spiritually this season, you faced the problems that came up instead of burying them and you’re on fire. Maybe you decided to stay in a hotel instead of preparing for another holiday blast. Maybe he freed the exiles until he found himself able to laugh at Great Aunt Gertrude, rather than let the protector part surprise him by imposing such strict restrictions that he spat out his own egg. Maybe you found yourself appreciating your aging parents and their new weaknesses, rather than correcting everything they did wrong when you were growing up.

Likewise, you probably didn’t kick the can down the road this time. Instead, start the conversation about your requests and needs in advance, giving your loved ones the opportunity to accept your requests – or not – so you can plan accordingly going forward. Maybe you handled it the way you expected, so you didn’t set yourself up for another disappointment. Perhaps start a repair conversation rather than avoiding the person holding a grudge. Maybe you’ve decided to protect your parts by keeping them safe from someone who has proven unfaithful to your vulnerable parts, no matter how hard you tried.

Maybe this year, you didn’t get a headache before going to see your parents. Maybe you’ve owned your drinking parts and didn’t let them make a fool of you at a holiday work party. Maybe loosen some of your strict bosses and allow yourself to skip a few days of exercise and eat a few cookies, so you can enjoy the little pleasures you usually don’t allow yourself to indulge in.

Whatever you’ve noticed, take a moment to examine, check inward, celebrate your progress, appreciate the parts of you, and listen to any gratitude you legitimately feel for the life you have, for the relationships you have, for the work or profession or hobbies you have, for your purpose on earth in this dangerous time for humanity.

Here are a few gentle ways to track that growth—without turning your inner life into another performance review or self-improvement project.

1. Let Your Body Tell the Truth

Before making a list, pause. Place your hand on your heart or stomach. Notice what is different in your nervous system compared to last year.

Do you recover quickly after a seizure?

Do you notice when a part has taken over too quickly?

Do you need a little numbness, a little reinforcement, a little armor to get you through the tough times?

Growth is often tangible before it’s a good story to tell at a dinner party. Less tension. More breathing. More choices.

2. Ability to Track, Not Perfection

Progress doesn’t mean no work this holiday season. It means you had more capacity when you did. Maybe he’s still shocked—but he quickly apologized. Maybe you’re still shaking—but you didn’t give up afterward. Maybe you were still sad—but you didn’t feel sad when you had to be thankful.

Power is the real metric. Not how much enlightenment you did, but how much self-help power was available when it counted

3. Notify Your Patrons of Progress

Your parts have been working hard for too long. Even those who still get you in trouble probably do less damage than before—or at least wave the white flag quickly. You might appreciate the angry part that now gives you a warning signal instead of blowing up, the evasive part that wants to disappear but lets you stay a few minutes longer, the perfectionist that loosens its grip enough to let you rest. None of this happened by accident. These shifts are acquired.

4. Be careful where you choose

One of the clearest signs of healing is when you stop betraying yourself to keep the peace, to preserve an image, or to preserve a myth. Where do you mean without explaining too much? Leave early without much apology? Speak the truth with kindness, with compassion for others but with self-defense? Choose relaxation instead of work? Choose safety over emotion? These decisions may seem small to some. Inside, they are seismic.

5. Let Sorrow Meet Gratitude

Holiday resets aren’t about slapping gratitude over unresolved pain. It’s about letting gratitude and sorrow sit at the same table. You can be thankful for growing up and cry about how hard it was. You can appreciate the humanity of your parents and be sad for what they can’t give you. You can feel proud of yourself and tired of work at the same time. That, too, is maturity. That, too, is progress.

As the year turns, consider giving your system a gentle shutdown routine. Light a candle. Write a note on your parts. Make a piece of art to hang on the wall to honor your progress. Name three ways you have shown yourself that would not have happened to you this year—or even last month. That’s enough.

You are not behind. You don’t fail. You are not doing this wrong. You’re living inside the human nervous system during a unique time in history—and you’re learning how to do it with more awareness, more empathy, and more honesty than ever before. Appreciating and honoring that is the best gift you can give yourself this season.

If you want to give yourself another gift, join us LOVE SCHOOL or AUTHOR’S CALL in 2026. Or sign up for the Transformational Mentoring Program with me and give yourself the highly personalized gift of a personalized IFS consultation, either on Zoom or (coming soon in 2026!), in person in West Sonoma County for a full day of assistance. Stay tuned for more details on that later in the new year.