3 questions that all group members ask privately | Graeme Cowan
Think of the best team you’ve ever been a part of.
Not the one with a compelling strategy. Or the one with massages and bowls of fruit.
I best.
Visualize their faces. How do you feel?
I’ve asked this question to thousands of people at live presentations, and 95% give me the same three answers:
- We cared about each other.
2. We argued.
3. We encouraged each other.
Not “we had clear KPIs.”
Not “our meetings were working well.”
Not that we “met our quarterly goals.”
Taking care of. Safety. Growing up.
And here’s what’s remarkable: groups that combine these three qualities just don’t do it to hear well—they work at extraordinary levels.
Because these three statements answer three basic questions that every team member asks (but rarely says aloud):
- Do I belong here?
- Am I safe to be myself and take risks?
- Are we growing together into something meaningful?
When the answer to all three is “yes,” people and teams don’t get stuck.
This is exactly what employee care is.
It’s not a team building exercise or pizza Friday.
It creates areas where:
People feel important and included (which would be)
People can be vulnerable without fear (mental safety)
People are pursuing something big together (shared growth)
The evidence is compelling: the number one predictor of long-term health is not money, status, or success.
Having few caring and supportive relationships at work.
We accept this truth in our own lives.
But at work? We treat it as a nice thing to have.
That’s not the case.
There is a quote often (incorrectly) attributed to Theodore Roosevelt: “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care about them.”
And while Roosevelt may not have said it, the truth stands.
Here is the difference between self care and employee care:
Self-care helps people build resilience to face with stress (what researchers call “secondary inhibition”).
Employee care speaks to The cause of stress on how teams work together (“primary inhibition”).
One is helping people to survive at work.
Another is changing the workplace itself.
Most organizations focus on self-care.
Strength training. Meditation apps. Mental health days.
Everything is precious.
But it’s not perfect.
Because you can’t endurance-train your way out of a toxic team culture.
You can’t be aware—you’re working your way out of a psychologically unsafe place.
The real work is at the group level.
Creating environments where people don’t just endure work—they thrive on it.
When we “cared for each other” is not a memory of years past.
This week. This group. Right now.
So, here’s the question:
If someone on your team was asked, “What makes this team great?”—would they say those three things?
Do they feel like they belong?
Are they safe to take risks?
Are you growing into something meaningful together?
If the answer is less than “yes,” you have work to do.
It is not a performance management job.
Maintenance duty.
What makes your best team different?
About Graeme Cowan
Graeme is a keynote speaker helping busy leaders and teams become safe, resilient and successful. He is also a founding board director of RU OK? and host of The Caring CEO podcast – ranked #2 worldwide in workplace mental health. Wiley’s new book “THE MAINTENANCE OF A GREAT LEADER: Building Safe, Strong, Effective Teams” will be released on April 1, 2026 – you can pre-order HERE. To arrange to speak with Graeme, you can set up an appointment here – or to inquire about Graeme’s availability to speak at your event please email jenny@graemecowan.com.au
